Vault open · accepting briefsNYC · BERLIN · SINGAPORE
A suspiciously professional engineering firm

StealMy Money(please don’t)  build something with us instead.

We’re a small, sharp team of cryptographers, distributed-systems engineers, and recovering quants. We build the parts of crypto that actually have to work — exchanges, custody, on-chain protocols, market infrastructure — for funds, foundations, and founders who can’t afford to be the next post-mortem.

Hand us the bag  💼Meet the crew
Currently accepting Q3 engagements
BTC ······ETH ······SOL ······PAYROLL: SETTLEDAUDIT #7 PASSEDCOFFEE ▲ ∞BUG BOUNTY: $250KLATENCY 11msUPTIME 99.997%RUG PULLS: 0LAWYERS: ON RETAINERVAULT: SEALEDBTC ······ETH ······SOL ······PAYROLL: SETTLEDAUDIT #7 PASSEDCOFFEE ▲ ∞BUG BOUNTY: $250KLATENCY 11msUPTIME 99.997%RUG PULLS: 0LAWYERS: ON RETAINERVAULT: SEALED
$0.0B
Volume processed by systems we built
0
Funds lost to a bug we shipped
0
Audits survived (so far)
0ms
Median match latency
§ 02 — Capabilities

The crew.

Every heist movie has the planner, the cracker, the inside man, and the lookout. We just happen to have all four with Series A engineering credentials and a tasteful disregard for hype cycles.

01In Service

The Architect

Protocol & Exchange Engineering

Order books, matching engines, custody, settlement. We build the boring critical stuff that has to work at 3:47 AM on a Sunday during a CPI print.

  • Rust · Go · TypeScript
  • Sub-12ms matching
  • FIX / WebSocket / REST
02In Service

The Cryptographer

Wallets, MPC & Custody

Threshold signatures, HSM integration, key ceremonies that don't involve a Best Buy laptop in a Days Inn. Your seed phrase will outlive your dog.

  • MPC · TSS · BLS
  • FIPS-140 paths
  • Hardware-rooted trust
03In Service

The Inside Man

On-chain & DeFi Systems

Solidity, Move, and Cairo audited by humans who lost sleep, not by a script. AMMs, perps, vaults, restaking, intent-based junk — we ship it without the loss.

  • Foundry · Halmos
  • Formal verification
  • Mainnet-tested
04In Service

The Lookout

Security & Threat Modeling

Pen tests, code review, supply-chain hardening, and a Slack channel we actually monitor. Catching the heist before it happens — even when we're the suspects.

  • Red team / blue team
  • Continuous fuzzing
  • Incident response
§ 03 — Method

We treat your money like it’s ours.
(Legally, it isn’t. We checked.)

Step 01

Recon.

Weeks 1–2. We read everything. Whitepaper, code, threat model, your competitors' incident reports, the gossip. Then we tell you what's actually risky.

Step 02

Crack.

Build sprints with weekly merges. Pair-programmed, type-safe, fuzzed, formally verified where it matters. No 4,000-line PRs on a Friday.

Step 03

Get out clean.

Docs, runbooks, on-call handover, and a 30-day warranty. If it breaks because of us, we fix it free. (It won't.)

§ 04 — Receipts

What the witnesses say.

Sworn statement№ 001
I gave them my money. They gave it back. With interest. I'm confused and impressed.
— Anonymous LP, redacted DEX
Sworn statement№ 002
Their code review made me question my entire career. In a good way. Mostly.
— CTO, top-20 exchange
Sworn statement№ 003
They named themselves 'Steal My Money' and somehow that's the most honest thing in crypto.
— A skeptical regulator, off the record
Exchanges.$Custody.$Wallets.$Market-making.$Audits.$Rescue ops.$Tokenomics that survive Monday.$Boring code that doesn't lose money.$Exchanges.$Custody.$Wallets.$Market-making.$Audits.$Rescue ops.$Tokenomics that survive Monday.$Boring code that doesn't lose money.$
$$$
§ 05 — Drop a bag

Tell us what you’re building.

We reply within 48 hours, usually with uncomfortably specific questions. NDA on request. We don’t do unpaid POCs, MLM tokens, or anything that needs the word “synergy” to function.

or email heist@stealmy.money